As a caregiver, it is my job to love, serve and give unconditionally. Is it easy? Not always. When uncertainties come I find myself in a place of questioning my frustrations, ability, and welfare. As a caregiver for my 84 year old mother-in-law, uncertainties will come but it is the truth (Jesus) who will set me free.
Today, I am openly frustrated over a decision which was made by my mother-in-law who relies on me for her care. I instantly feel betrayed, angry and insecure over a statement and it triggers other emotions. Stop! I know that, if not handled properly, emotions can lie to me. However, I still allow myself to travel down the “I wonder” road and allow my thoughts to run freely.
- Does she really know the sacrifice I have made? (Anger)
- Is she aware that her own daughter doesn’t want to care for her? (Disappointment)
- Is my ability to care for her enough? (Doubt)
- Should I be more active, more engaged or provide more entertainment? (Guilt)
- Does she recognize how blessed it is to have health insurance while I wonder if I can even afford to go to the doctor? (Fear)
- Does she realize she is my job without benefits or ability to build something of my own? (Insecure)
- What will happen to me when she dies? I have been without a job and will need one immediately. (Uncertainty)
As I was in my little pity party, I allowed Anger, Disappointment, Doubt, Guilt, Fear, Insecure and Uncertainty to join me. There were no balloons, no laughing, or music just pity. Poor me – I wanted to sit and play with my own emotions. Rehearsing, nursing them over in my mind. Doesn’t God know what I’m going through? Is He listening? I am glad that I put a quick end to this party as I turned to God’s Word – It is the truth (Jesus) who set me free and invited me to join His party.
Jesus invited me to come to his party, and He asked that I not bring gifts but my burdens. So I obeyed and brought with me Anger, Disappointment, Doubt, Guilt, Fear, Insecure and Uncertainty and laid them at his feet. He took these burdens from me. But Jesus didn’t stop there. He invited the Holy Spirit to come and bring me gifts – Love, Joy, Patience, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Kindness, Goodness, Affirmation, Security and Peace. These gifts were freely given and always available to me. I picked each one of them up and examined them not as a question why but in amazing wonder that He set me free! I left those burdens behind and joyfully received new gifts in their place.
Galatians 5: 13-25:
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and wickedness; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.